Why I'll never drink again...

...for now at least. Brad Gattis is 1 month from officially being off the market. I just heard hearts break all throughout Central Kansas. Both men and women. To celebrate/mourn this inevitability, Bradley's best men decided it was best to celebrate with a bachelor party. Without giving our true identities away, in case TMZ is reading this, I'll protect our rights with Googled photos. You're welcome, wedding party! Without further teasing, I give you the Groom, his best men and the groomsmen...

I wish panoramic view was available

Our weekend started out very regular. We told ourselves that Friday night we were going to take it easy and get some sleep because Saturday was the big day. Well around 3:30 a.m, I realized that that was a good idea at the time but BAR was calling our name. We were partying with celebrities that night anyways...

Mick loves him some Mick...

Saturday finally comes around. Let the drinking begin...wait...resume. After several hundred games of water Vball, the real event began. The Gattis/Hein Best Man Triathlon Competition Contest. The name needs work. Long story short...I WIN. "What's the name of that game?" someone asks. I say, "I WIN." Three events. I WIN. Punt/Pass/Kick. Diving contest. Water Horse. It went to the third event and I clinched it with a left handed layup off the backboard while standing on the right side. The wingspan worked out for me! After about 15 hours of drinking, our lovely bachelor had had enough! Ever seen a 6'4" 210 lb. guy in the fetal position?

...now you have!

Since the "bache" party was on Saturday of Labor Day weekend, that meant we had 2 days to recooperate. However we didn't...Red Balloon loved the wedding party!!

Believe it or not...we got a standing ovation!!!

Olympic Strategery...

I woke up this morning the same way I always do. Assault on the alarm. Lights on. Fan off. Shower time. Directly after my vertical soak I turn on Mike & Mike in the Morning on ESPN2. The scrolling ESPN bottomline shows that the US Softball team is down 2-1 in the 6th inning to Japan. Japan is the Wayne Brady to the United States' Denzel Washington! However I let it go because I "ASSumed" the US would eventually win some way, somehow. The next three words I plan on typing is a phrase I utter entirely too much. "I was wrong." At my own amazement the undefeated US softball team choked on their previous three gold medals and did the unthinkable. Where do we go from here? The IOC is cancelling baseball and softball for future Olympics, yet Trampoline a legitimate "sport." Is this really how the greatest softball team in the world wanted to end it? I think so!

There is method to their madness. That's right, I'm officially opening up the conspiracy hot line and I'm taking calls all night. Give me a jingle on the jangle. Call the old number, it'll give you a new one! I digress. Prior to the gold medal game against Japan, the US had given up 1 run. IS THIS THING ON? 1 RUN!!! The odds on them giving up 3 more in a matter 7 innings is pretty low and the Vegas bookies have Scotty as a heavy favorite. Here's my belief. They threw the game.

Look at it this way...what do the women have to gain if they trounce Japan in a 11-0 rout? "How about a 4th gold medal, Potty." Granted, but they've done that before. They haven't lost since...well, ever. Softball has only been recognized as an Olympic sport since 1996 and so the winning streak begins. Basically the IOC is cancelling softball due to the dominance of the US national team. Basically the IOC is blaming the US due to the lack of parody within international softball. Basically the IOC forgets that it is the other countries responsibility to evolve their athletes into actual world-class athletes.

I think that the US loss to Japan is GENIUS! Yes, I believe the US orchestrated this loss in order to show parody and a competitive bar being raised. Without this, the appeal brought to the IOC would leave the US to blame. Just standing their with their shoulders shrugged and 4 gold medals dangling around their necks. Now reinstating the softball games for London '12 will seriously be considered.

I know, I know...I'm forgetting about baseball in this argument. However, they don't apply to this due to the fact that they aren't as dominant and aren't even legit professionals. Basically Jenny Finch is Derek Jeter and anybody that you can name on the US national baseball team is Crash Davis. Softball = Professionals. Baseball = Amateurs. The International Olympic Committee (IOC was getting redundant) has professed their undying love for "stars" and "icons." Hence the reason for USA basketball switching from college players to the NBA's finest.

This has gone on too long. If you only read this paragraph, it will make a long blog short. Softball, too dominant. IOC, competition Nazis. Softball loss, genius. Softball vs. Baseball, two different things. 2012 Olympics - London, softball wins gold. Wink, wink. I just hope they don't cancel trampoline. Then I'll really have something to say!

What do I talk about?

Believe it or not, I have never blogged. I haven't written anything that could be viewed by others since I was a freshman at Cowley County Community College. The last time I used a QWERTY application to express myself was when I texted my life story to John William White (My BFF x 4) (I have a lot of BFFs.) Notice that I placed the period inside of the parenthesis because I passed COMP 1...barely.

This is new to me but not new to my family. My brother blogs weekly about sports, but yet that's through his job and then some. If I'm gonna try and "keep up" with Mick, that means I have to have find a different angle.

"Great observation, Scott" is what people will say.

So while my brother has sports cornered, I'll do something else. How about current events? Current Events huh? That category is the only reason I was on the Scholars Bowl team in junior high and high school. I was that guy that couldn't/shouldn't/didn't know anything else than what was happening at that point in time. Super Bowl? I got the answer! Oscar for Best Actor? I got the answer! Fermat's Last Theorem? Well, not so much. BUT! The team had people for that, thankfully!

We won the league tournament my 8th grade year. Nothing gets the ladies like a shiny SCBL Scholars Bowl medal. Caldwell girls are classy like that. Starting quarterbacks? Guys with motorcycles? Cliche. Scholars bowl will get you a lot of things. Respect, pride and sense of worth aren't any of those things but atleast I wasn't the kid answering the math questions. He was a dork.